The following is a critique of the MTA safety video:

Two questions: who is this weirdo in a suit and why is the audio so maxed out.  But then, after he walks to the camera, he walks past the camera.  Where is he going?  Another room in the nasty A train?  Is there a parlor or dining car I never knew about?

No… he’s just moving into a new position.  All the while, the riders are totally expressionless and do not react to anything, as if a guy in a suit talking to himself walking around a train isn’t anything out of the ordinary… well, at least they captured that right!

Then he wanders off somewhere else…  I don’t want to point this out, but he’s the only white guy in the ENTIRE shot.  I count TWELVE other people in the car.

The rules: (I love rules)

Stay Calm - “you can be sure the MTA is working … ” stop right there.  Generally, when I see an MTA employee, “work” is not the word I’d use to describe what they’re doing (unless they are operating a vehicle or subway).  Usually they just sit and read the newspaper, stand around on the tracks, or generally try to be as hostile and unhelpful as possible, as loudly as possible through the microphone window, to customers desperately trying to navigate the maze of subways.

Listen for instructions - yeah, as if broken and hissing intercoms are going to help us understand what’s happening.

Don’t ever pull the emergency brake!  - When is it ok to pull it?  Oh that’s right, never.  Don’t ever pull the brake.

Stay inside the train - Yes, even when 4 angry blades of fire are chasing your ass down.  If the fire comes inside, just walk through the spacious train car like this guy does… he never seems to hit a dead end.

Then the video actually becomes interesting, and shows just what happens when shit breaks down.  Apparently it takes about 37 MTA employees to safely move passengers into another car.  By becoming a human fence.

Let’s hope we don’t have an emergency…